


A Push and a Shove

by thefandomlife



Category: Holy Trinity (YouTube RPF)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 14:26:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8920579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefandomlife/pseuds/thefandomlife
Summary: Marzia knows Felix all too well, especially after five years of being together





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooo I wrote this all in one night because of a long story.  
> I was curious to see the Sean/Felix tag and there's practically nothing! So me being the fluff/angst addict that I am, I wrote a one shot fic to appease mine and possible other fan girls needs.  
> I hope you enjoy my own little fic!

You know you must have done something wrong when your girlfriend has to sit you down and have a deep talk about your behavior and deepest feelings about her. I’m not talking about myself, I am the writer, this is all Felix’s thoughts as Marzia, his girlfriend of five years, sat him down on the edge of their bed and talked. They never had talks like these, ever really. The last time they sat down and actually talked deeply about an issue was when Felix didn’t get along with Marzia’s brothers over some stupid issue. But this time, it was real, and Felix was genuinely scared. Marzia had tears in her eyes and was speaking about possibilities that they could work out. Before he could get worked up and over think things, he grabbed Marzia’s flailing hands and settled them into her lap.

 

“First of all, Marz, you need to calm down. I can hardly understand you right now.” Felix instructed with a dry chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood that Marzia had dropped like a bomb in the room.

 

Marzia wiped her eyes and looked up at him, smiling as she rubbed her hands against his course ones.

 

“I want to discuss you, Felix,” she muttered, trying to smile, “and what you truly want. Because I love you too much to see you so sad.”

 

“Well I’m not sad, babe, I don’t know what you’re talking about...” Felix muttered, genuinely confused.

 

“So you absolutely love me? You are satisfied in this relationship with me?” She asked, looking up at him completely serious.

 

“Yes, Marzia! I love you so much!” Felix exclaimed, scrunching his brow at her. “Why do you ask that?”

 

Marzia just stared at him for a couple of seconds before chuckling lightly. She looked down at their intertwined hands and rubbed her fingers against his knuckles.

 

“It’s nothing, you know how a girl can get. I just want to make sure, because I love you a lot, Felix.” She said, the smile slowly slipping from her face.

 

For the next few days and weeks, all Felix could think about was that serious conversation between himself and Marzia. She acted like nothing was wrong though, which confused the hell out of him. Even his bros, his fans, commented on his strange behavior in some of his videos. She still woke up and kissed his cheek lovingly before making his special coffee and some eggs and toast. She still continued on with her daily routine, filming a video, asking him for advice and kissing his cheek as she giggled. She was as normal as she was the day before the talk, but there was something faintly there.

 

Felix noticed it when he had just ended a group Skype call with all of the guys to come over for the Cringemas livestream. Mark was in the airport in Denver, waiting with Amy for a plane ride to New York City that would take them to London. Sean had just packed his bags for his long car ride to the airport that would fly him over to London. They had all shared stories of most recent events and goofed off for a bit before Mark had to go and get dinner since Amy was whining about being starving.

 

Marzia entered the room with a mug of tea in her small hands behind Felix as he closed Skype off of his screen. He turned and grinned at her, ecstatic about seeing his friends once again. She smiled a small smile at him and set the mug on the coaster beside his keyboard. She didn’t settle into his lap like she normally did, this time she settled her hip against the wood of the desk and smiled at him.

 

“How are they doing?” She asked, a soft tone in her voice.

 

Felix grinned and tousled his hair as he began to share the stories and details of how his friends were doing. He was just finishing up a story of how Mark and Amy had been caught by an old couple taking selfies and they had asked to take selfies with them, when Marzia’s easy smile slipped off of her face. 

 

“How’s Sean doing?” She asked, sipping Felix’s tea without him noticing.

 

“He’s doing great, he was telling me that he was packing extra snacks this time for the road trip, since last time he almost fell asleep behind the wheel.”

 

“Wouldn’t Signe be there to help wake him up?” Marzia asked, taking another huge gulp and setting the mug down without Felix noticing.

 

“Yeah probably, but he did fall asleep last time. He could have killed them both if she weren’t there.” Felix said, frowning at the memory of getting the frantic call from the irish man, just hours after they had called when he had hit the road.

 

“So he didn’t mention her at all when you were talking about extra snacks.” Marzia said, the sentence not even coming out as a question, as if she already knew.

 

Felix was oblivious to this as he sipped the mug of tea, scrunching his brow at the half drunk mug.

 

“No he didn’t, but he did say he was looking into getting a dog or something. Maybe a cat, just to piss me off.” Felix said with a chuckle as he twirled in his swivel chair.

 

Marzia nodded her head and kept up light conversation. They later went to bed, but as Felix moved his arm over Marzia’s body, half asleep, he didn’t notice her jerk at his touch and wipe the tears from her eyes. As a matter of fact, any normal human being should have noticed Marzia’s strange behavior over the next few days. She had bags under her eyes, she didn’t smile as often, and she was going out grocery shopping and hanging out with friends more often. Of course Felix didn’t notice, as Mark, Amy, and Sean got into town. No one made comment to Signe not being at Sean’s side as he arrived at Marzia and Felix's door.

 

“How was all of your flights?” Felix asked as he and Marzia helped lug everyone’s baggage into their living room.

 

“Bumpy and noisy,” Mark said with a bubble of laughter and setting down his camera bag, “there was this cute little baby that kept staring at me!”

 

“And Mark scared the innocent child by speaking to it in his menacing, low voice.” Amy said, rolling her eyes at Mark with a small smile that grew on her face.

 

“Did not! I think it was your face that freaked it out!” Mark exclaimed with laughter bubbling out.

 

“You were using your darkiplier, or was it your Warfstache voice?” Sean asked, laughing along with Mark’s contagious laugh.

 

“I’m honestly not sure,” Mark said in between giggles, “maybe a mix of both…?” 

 

“Either way, it was pretty sexy, regardless of the scared baby.” Amy said with a slight blush on her cheeks.

 

“What about your Anti-Septiceye impression, Sean, that’s pretty sexy for the fangirls.” Felix added in as Marzia and Amy began conversing as the guys all started laughing and joking along.

 

Marzia kept a trained ear in on the boys conversation as it turned to that playful fake flirting. No one noticed, so she was in the clear.

 

“Fangirls and Felix alike.” Mark said with a giggle.

 

“Hey!” Felix exclaimed, “I haven’t even gotten the camera out and you’re all makin’ fun of me!”

 

“You’re just going to have to deal with it, huh Pewds?” Sean said with a raised brow and sass in his features.

 

“Whoever taught you sass should be upset with themselves because they’ve created a monster.” Felix muttered playfully, tickling Sean’s sides.

 

Mark seemed to get the memo and attacked on the other side of Sean. Sean yelped and began to laugh his joyous laughter and kick at Felix and Mark’s shins.

 

“Stop it, you assholes!” Sean exclaimed as Mark held him in place and Felix got the hidden corners of Sean’s torso and sides in tickles and playful nudges and punches.

 

Marzia glanced away from the sight and continued to talk with Amy about the real reason Signe wasn’t there in hushed and worried voices.

 

The first few days before the livestream, the boys all recorded videos together. Marzia woke up every morning and either went out on runs or workouts, or she had plans from morning till dusk when she would slip in through the sheets next to Felix’s side. Felix was too focused on filming videos for the week and preparing for the stream, going over details and setting stuff up.

 

Marzia was glad she jam packed her days full with filming videos with Amy and meeting up with Signe, which Sean had no idea she was in England. The three girls would all talk and discuss discoveries and details together. There were tears involved, bountiful amounts of ice cream shared between the girls, chocolate, and chick flicks being watched in Amy and Mark’s hotel room while the boys all filmed and hung out.

 

Marzia had no way to get out of coming and watching the stream though. She was there to keep watch on the dogs and be an aid to Felix if he needed it. She and Amy sat down and ate lunch together, watching the livestream take place and the boys, Emma, and PJ goofing around. Marzia cringed at the rule of the mistletoe, knowing just what was going to happen. 

 

And it did. The internet exploded with gifs, edits, drawings, and fanfictions. But of course, Felix and the boys were used to this behavior and were used to ignoring it. After the first livestream, Emma joined in on the girls talks. She listened as the girls explained and talked and understood, because she too had questioned if it were true as well.

 

They all went out to dinner that night, all talking and eating with joyful spirits. Marzia sat opposite of her boyfriend and watched as Mark and Sean talked lively with him. She had one more chance to talk with Signe again, before she flew back to Ireland. She pulled up to the hotel she was staying in and walked up the stairs to her door. She opened it immediately as Marzia began knocking.

 

Signe’s eyes were red and puffy as she looked up at Marzia, who was also sporting similar tears and emotion.

 

“Listen, we need to discuss what’s going to happen now.” Marzia said.

 

Signe, after a long beat of silence, nodded her head with a sad glance at the ground. She allowed Marzia in and plopped herself down on the bed. Signe blew her nose into a kleenex, offering Marzia one as well. She chuckled and accepted, wiping underneath her eyes.

 

“They are oblivious, Signe. But I can see it in their eyes, in how they act around each other, how they talk and communicate. They are too stupid to make that jump, but I can tell it’s only going to get worse if we don’t do anything about it and just let them sort it out for themselves.” Marzia said, pain in her voice.

 

“They are just going to ignore those feelings, just because we are still with them.” Signe muttered, finally realizing what had to be done.

 

“If we truly love them…” Marzia said, struggling to let it out.

 

“...we have to let them go.” Signe finished her sentence, tears  dripping down her cheeks in fluid motions.

 

“Yeah.” Marzia muttered, allowing the tears to drip down her cheeks as well.

 

“This is so hard.” Signe said, dryly chuckling ans she wiped her eyes more.

 

“I know,” Marzia muttered, rubbing Signe’s shoulder, “but I guess we have to move on.”

 

And that’s exactly what Marzia did. After the livestream, and as the videos were uploaded and the Skype chats continued between them all, Marzia slowly started to distance herself from Felix in small ways. She added certain things into her schedule where she was constantly working and busy. She met someone in a bookshop and got to know him a bit more, not totally leaving Felix just yet, but giving this guy a chance.

 

Felix didn’t notice until Marzia stopped sleeping with him anymore. She was constantly up working or sleeping on the couch. Felix constantly asked her why she was doing that, trying to get her to come to bed, but she would always come up with an excuse to keep working on videos she didn;t have to edit for weeks.

 

Finally, it came to a breaking point, where Felix came home to find Marzia packing her bags. She sat him down and had another awful, deep talk with him.

 

“Felix, I know you don’t love me anymore.” She said, finding it easier to say now.

 

“What?!” Felix muttered, tears scratching at his eyes.

 

“I know that you have feelings for someone else, and I have accepted that.” Marzia said calmly, even though her heart was tearing up inside.

 

“How can you say that-”

 

“Felix, I  _ know _ .” She said, gripping his arms and looking into his lost eyes.

 

She didn't have to say anything else for Felix to understand. He quietly gasped and sat back, scrunching his brow up at her and shaking his head. 

 

“I-I, no, I don’t think I do-”

 

“No, I think you  _ do _ .” Marzia said, taking control of the tears threatening to spill over.

 

“Marzia how can you say that?! You're all I’ve ever known for five years! I  _ love _ you!” He exclaimed, grabbing her face and kissing her passionately.

 

Except this time, the kiss was different. It was like expecting to get a bike for christmas and instead getting a package of socks. Felix jerked away from the kiss, a gasp falling from his lips as a choked sob forced its way up his throat.

 

“I love you too, Felix, but I love you so much that I can’t bear it to see you unhappy.” Marzia said, tears slowly dripping down her cheeks as she rubbed a hand through his hair.

 

“What do I do with myself now?” Felix muttered, feeling broken inside.

 

“You go and chase him, Felix Kjellberg,” Marzia demanded, jabbing her finger forward, “You go and find yourself and do what you want for once, Felix. Do it for me, do it for us.” Marzia said, ignoring the tears freely falling at this point.

 

Felix sobbed and pressed a hand over his mouth. He couldn’t help but cry as Marzia stood up and helped him up as well. She pressed her body against his and squeezed him tightly into a hug. Felix wrapped his arms around her and sobbed into her shoulder.

 

“I love you, Marzia.” He muttered.

 

“I love you too, Felix.” Marzia muttered, stepping away and grabbing her bags.

 

Felix instantly called Mark, knowing he was available since Sean was with his parents at the time being. Mark picked up on the third ring.

 

“Felix, you alright?” He answered, concern in his tone. “Sorry, but you don’t ever call me besides on Skype…”

 

“Marzia…” Felix was able to stutter out with a sob, “She broke up with me.”

 

There was silence on the other line before Mark spoke up again, “Felix, are you willing to come to LA for a mini vacation?”

 

Despite the inner Felix not wanting to give up on his videos, he agreed with Mark and hung up the phone to go and pack his clothes. He cried as he did it, planning out a video to make to tell the bros what he was doing without giving anything away. He finished packing, hours before he had to go to the airport, and filmed a quick video, explaining he had a last minute flight to LA for a mini vacation and work stuff he needed to do. 

 

He went to upload it, since it wasn’t that long of a video where he just explained that he would keep up some sort of schedule. As he drove to the airport and went through security with a numb mind, he got a phone call as he was sitting with a coffee and waiting for the flight. He answered it to see Sean’s picture that he had taken and set as Felix’s icon picture. 

 

“Sean?” He answered, his voice a little rough from previously crying.

 

“Felix what’s wrong?” He instantly asked, concern laced in his tone.

 

Felix felt a warm feeling light up in his gut as he tried not to cry again.

 

“I’m going to LA to visit Mark for a bit, just to discuss-”

 

“Marzia breaking up with you?” Sean interrupted.

 

“How did you-”

 

“Mark called me.” Sean explained, “Mark booked me a flight as well, but I will be there a day later. I’m just finishing up stuff with my parents-”

 

“Don’t rush yourself man,” Felix muttered, “You’re with family, it can wait-”

 

“No, this is important, Felix. You’re my friend and this is a big deal for you and if you’re meeting up with Mark, then I need to be there as well.” Sean said, defiance in his tone.

 

Felix smiled as Sean listed off his flight times and promises to be there mid afternoon in two to three days. Felix’s flight was finally called and he hung up with his friend, a flutter in his chest. Felix mostly slept through the flight, trying to ignore the past twenty four hours. He switched flights in New York and Detroit immediately. As he landed in Detroit he had an hour wait where he was able to get breakfast as the sun rose in the sky. His next flight took him to Denver and finally to LA.

 

Mark and Amy were there to pick him up. They were holding up signs that read, “Our sassy Swede”. Felix felt tears threaten to pour over his cheeks as he rushed forward and accepted Amy’s sweet hugs and Mark’s giant bear hug.

 

They barely talked about Marzia at all as they drove to Mark and Amy’s house. They listened to the radio, sang songs, and discussed video ideas they could all do since he was in town. They got to the house and Felix was immediately attacked by Chica. He got a room in the back of the house and was able to settle down and put his clothes and stuff away.

 

The next morning Felix woke up quite early, from not sleeping well the night before, and found Mark sitting out on a patio chair and staring into the LA sunrise. Felix grabbed some breakfast and plopped himself beside Mark wordlessly.

 

“Amy talked to me a few weeks ago.” Mark muttered, after a long silence.

 

Felix scrunched his brow at him and waited for Mark to continue.

 

“She said that Marzia and her had been talking about stuff.” Mark paused and looked up at Felix for a split second, “Amy told me to keep an eye on you and Sean’s interactions.”

 

Felix’s brow scrunched and he blushed at the same time, not sure what to feel or think.

 

“So I did, with a little confusion and hesitancy, but I did some observing.” Mark said, looking up at Felix.

 

“You like him.” Mark said.

 

“What makes you think that?!  _ I  _ don’t even know what I think!” Felix exclaimed.

 

“It’s how you look at him, how you guys talk and care for each other. I can tell why the fans ship it.” Mark said with a chuckle.

 

Felix just sat there in silence, trying to think through the emotions he was feeling and understanding.

 

“You don’t need to push yourself, I only brought it up because I can see how much you care for him and how much he cares for you.” Mark said, setting an arm on Felix’s arm.

 

Felix felt a tear drip down his cheek at the motion and reached forward and embraced Mark’s hug.

 

“Thank you, Mark.”

 

The next day was craziness. Mark left to go ad get Sean, leaving Felix and Amy to film stuff and play games with the other guys for the day. The guys all left after a while, leaving Amy and Felix to watch cheesy chick flicks and make cookies. It was the first time Felix was able to have this much fun with a girl that wasn’t his girlfriend. As soon as Mark returned, Sean barreled through the front door, his eyes flaming with anger, emotion, and jet lag. 

 

“Sit down, you swedish fucker, and tell me everything.”

 

Felix and Sean had a deep talk where he was able to lay out what happened, just without giving away the fact that everyone believed he was in love with the irish man. Sean listened intently, refusing food and drink until Felix was able to spill everything out for him. Afterwards, to Felix’s surprise, Sean shoved him into a violent hug.

 

“I’m sorry, Felix that that had to happen to you.”

 

They ended up staying there on the couch, each just talking and pouring their feelings out. That’s when Sean spilled his own feelings.

 

“Signe broke up with me, months ago.” He muttered, his pale face flushing.

 

“Why?! You’re a great guy, Sean, why would she just break up with you?” Felix muttered.

 

“Sean was silent for a couple of seconds before he looked at Felix and said in a quiet voice, 

 

“Because I was in love with someone else.”

 

That stuck with him throughout his stay in LA. He stayed there for longer than he intended, just chilling with everyone and making videos. He was able to recover and made a video explaining him and Marzia’s breakup. Before he uploaded it, he called her, since she hadn’t changed her phone number.

 

“Felix?” She answered, confused.

 

“You said I was in love with someone else, right?” Felix asked, playing with the hem of his shirt awkwardly.

 

“Yeah? Are you okay, Felix?” Marzia asked, her voice knowing.

 

“I think I know that I am in love as well, but I don’t want to go too fast and you’re the only person I kind of trust to help me with this.” Felix blurted.

 

Marzia was silent before she giggled and let out a breathy sigh.

 

“Just tell him first off, Felix. You can let him know in the simplest of ways.”

 

They talked for hours, Marzia helping him come up with a plan. It was Sean’s last night in LA, and Felix had promised Sean a trip to the pier in LA. Mark and Amy joined them as an undercover second group date couple. It ended up being Mark and Amy doing couply stuff together and Felix and Sean walking around the pier and viewing the sights and street performers.

 

The sun was setting as Felix nudged Sean up to the water side and stared into the beautiful stretch of sea and sky.

 

“You know, Seany boy,” Felix said.

 

“Don’t call me that.” Sean giggled, shoving Felix’s side.

 

“I never was honest with you on why Marzia broke up with me in the first place.” Felix muttered, trying to hold his grin in as the irish man twisted around and glared daggers at him.

 

“WHAT?! Tell me, you asshole!” Sean exclaimed, smacking Felix’s arms and sides.

 

Felix just chuckled and grabbed Sean’s arms, pulling them forward so Sean was smack dab in the middle of his chest and he was peering down into Sean’s blue green eyes.

 

“It’s because I was in love with someone else as well, you silly goose.” Felix muttered with a chuckle.

 

Sean’s face flushed from angry to embarrassed and confused all at the same time.

 

“Wait-”

 

Felix didn’t wait for it, so he leaned forward and took his chance while he had it. Sean tensed up at the feeling of Felix’s lips on his, and finally calmed into the touch. He sighed and kissed the swedish man back that he had been dying to kiss for several years now.

  
From several tables away, Amy fist pumped and punched Mark's shoulder in victory. Mark now owed her fifty bucks, but Amy owed Mark twenty five since Felix packed his bags and left with Sean back to Ireland the next day.


End file.
